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As a spiritual mentor and life coach, I share a lot of mindset strategies, success principles, and overall health and wellness tips. I think it’s also important to know that dealing with mental health issues isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are dark days, rain clouds, and all kinds of bad weather that sometimes make getting through each day (or in some cases, through each hour) a struggle. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to improve your mental health.
If I’ve learned anything throughout my journey with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, it’s that the struggle makes me stronger. It’s the struggle that’s shaped me into who I am and has allowed me to turn around and share my experiences with you.
Despite my pain, I like to think of myself as a solution-seeker. It’s not enough for me to just point out the problems. I want to look for the silver lining. I want to find answers.
Here’s what you need to know about mental health, and how you can improve your mental health.
1. Set boundaries and say no.
One of the best ways to improve your mental health is by doing less. Often, less is more.
I have to remind myself of this because when I’m feeling good and have a decent amount of energy, I have the tendency to add more things to my plate. My thinking is that if I have the energy, why not get more stuff done?
My problem is that I forget to pace myself. I forget that adding things onto my plate means that I need to subtract some other things in order to make room. Not everything is going to fit onto my plate. I have to prioritize, reprioritize, know when enough is enough, and when enough is too much. Sometimes, even that little bit more is too much. I need to know when to draw the line
When I forget to pace myself, I end up burnt out, making mistakes, and flaking out on commitments. As a recovering perfectionist, I hate making mistakes, and I especially hate letting other people down.
I worked in customer service for several years and we used to say: “It’s better to underpromise and over deliver.”
The same is true in our personal lives, especially if you’re dealing with mental health issues or chronic illness. Mental health is messy, but you don’t need to make an even bigger mess by adding more to your plate. Truly understanding the complexities of mental health means knowing when to subtract.
2. Take care of yourself.
You know that frustrating feeling of trying to scrape the last little bit of butter out of the tub onto a piece of toast that never seems to end? And no matter how much you scrape, or how much you try to spread the butter, it’s just not enough?
That’s what happens when you don’t prioritize your self-care and take care of yourself.
“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
– Bilbo Baggins from The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein
Sometimes slowing down and pacing myself is frustrating for me because I’ve always been a go-getter, overachiever, someone who takes initiative and gets stuff done. So stretching myself to the point where I can barely get out of bed, let alone take a shower and do dishes, is a total blow to my self-esteem. That’s why I work hard to create healthy boundaries in my work and personal life.
In the past, when I’ve spread myself too thin, I ended up spreading negativity to those around me. After all, it can be challenging to remain positive when you don’t feel well. Sometimes this made sharing positivity on my blog and social media seem inauthentic. However, I knew I had to be extra positive to the outside world to dilute the negativity I was experiencing behind closed doors and in my own head.
3. Strive for stability.
In all my years of marriage, I’ve learned quite a bit about which relationship mistakes to avoid. I try to be on my best behavior, but when I spread myself to thin, I develop a short fuse. Eventually, I end up exploding. Unfortunately for my husband, it’s usually in his face.
Ranting, raving, throwing tantrums, and throwing things are hallmarks of emotional instability. These are painful reminders of the person that I used to be. When I start ranting instead of letting go of anger and frustration, I devolve into the exact opposite of the person I’m trying to become. Primal instincts take over, and all I can think about is emotion, emotion, emotion.
It takes a conscious effort to pull myself out of my pity party or rage, remind myself of my goals, and take steps toward a brighter future. Also, forgiveness. Lots and lots of forgiveness, especially for myself.
4. Surround yourself with positive people.
When I’m not feeling well, I want to hide. Running away from the world and from those who love me is a way of protecting myself. I don’t want them to see me on my worst days. I don’t want them to think I’m not perfect (nobody’s perfect) or think less of me for having problems (they won’t). If you’re an introvert, you’ll know exactly what I mean about finding comfort in solitude.
The problem is that closing myself off from the world makes things worse. I live in a house full of people, but sometimes I still feel lonely. It’s a double-edged sword because it’s hard to reach out to people when you feel alone. Those that know me best know when and how to reach out to me during difficult times. This helps me to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated, even when I have trouble loving, accepting, and appreciating myself.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Math was never my strong suit. To this day, I’ll still pull out a calculator (or my phone) to do basic equations like calculating the tip on a meal. The idea of subtracting things from my plate, dividing and conquering, and delegating… well, that doesn’t come naturally for me.
I’d like to think that I’m independent, that I can do it all, and that I don’t need any help. But the truth is that I need help now more than ever. With the amount of pain and fatigue I experience, I need people to help me with basic day-to-day tasks like doing the dishes and cleaning the house, but more importantly, I need people to provide emotional support and just be there for me.
Sometimes I feel like I need to close myself off from my friends and family because I don’t want them to feel like they have to take care of me, or feel helpless for not being able to fix my condition. But I don’t need anyone to fix me. While I do have some medical and mental health diagnoses, labels don’t change the fact that I need to be loved and expected for who I am as a person, despite my issues, or perhaps even because of my issues.
Because no matter what I’m facing—anxiety, depression, disease, physical pain, or fatigue—I’m an overcomer. Overcoming takes strength. Ultimately, that’s what I want to be known for—not for all of my struggles, but for being a woman of strength.
Conclusion
Mental health is an ongoing journey. You can learn how to improve your mental health by tuning in to your mind, body, and soul. The more you listen to and honor your needs, the better you feel. Plus, it helps to set effective boundaries and create a healthy self-care routine.
Get the complete Mindset Makeover to improve your mental health and transform your life.
For more tips on how to improve your mental health and well-being, listen to the Chronically Conscious podcast.
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