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What’s it like being an introvert?
As an empath, introvert, and highly sensitive person, I can tell you. Yes, I can be charming and charismatic when I want to be, but deep down, I’m an introvert.
My husband thinks this is a shame. With a sanguine temperament, he’s funloving, easygoing, and wants everyone around him to have a good time. For him, the more people, the merrier. For me, the more people, the scarier. You can learn more about these personality types in Marita Littauer’s book, Wired That Way.
As an extrovert, my husband sometimes says “introvert” like it’s a dirty word. He’s witnessed me hide away in the room for hours on end—often glued to my computer—sometimes not leaving the house for days at a time except to walk the dogs.
“How can you stand it?” he wonders.
Besides working from home, which makes it easy to pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist, the truth is that I enjoy spending time by myself. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’ve spent enough of my life being anxious and depressed that I’ve finally learned the art of self-acceptance. I can be perfectly content in my own company.
However, just because I enjoy being alone, doesn’t mean that an excessive amount of solitude is good for me. Since I’m prone to mental health issues and sometimes experience flare-ups of chronic health problems, human contact isn’t just occasionally desirable, it’s often necessary. This means taking active steps to intentionally seek out a social life even if I don’t feel like being social.
Keep reading and listen to the Chronically Conscious podcast to learn more about how to thrive as an introvert.
What is an Introvert?
According to Dictionary.com, an introvert is a shy person. In psychology, an introvert is someone who is primarily concerned with his or her own thoughts and feelings.
I disagree with both of these definitions. To me, being shy suggests a level of fear, nervousness, or self-consciousness. There’s such a thing as a confident introvert. In fact, I would even call myself one. And the psychology definition suggests an unhealthy preoccupation with one’s thoughts that borders on self-centeredness. As if an introvert is so wrapped up in their own little world that they don’t care about anyone else.
Being an introvert simply means that you gain energy from solitude, and you lose energy from socializing. Whether you’re an introvert or not, it all comes back to healthy boundaries and self-care. Strike a balance between solitude and socializing. Figure out what works for you and do that, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
How Do You Know If You’re an Introvert?
If it helps to stick a label on yourself to provide some clarity on your situation, here are a few tell-tale signs of introversion.
You might be an introvert if you:
- Think best alone
- Enjoy spending time alone
- Have an ongoing inner monologue
- Avoid small talk
- Don’t enjoy going to parties or meeting new people
- Prefer writing your thoughts instead of speaking them
- Have no desire to be the center of attention
- Feel inauthentic when you have to network
- Shut down after too much socializing
- Have a small circle of friends
You can put a big fat checkmark next to each of these for me!
In fact, in grade school, I usually received unsatisfactory marks in the “works well with others” category. If I was forced to work in a group, my perfectionism kicked in and I basically took over the whole project. It was my way or the highway!
Reflecting on my introversion makes me think about a study that a friend of mine recently shared on Facebook. Apparently, many dog owners prefer time with pets over their friends. As a dog owner myself, I can believe that. Dogs don’t give you any sass and they love you no matter what.
It’s a tough break for someone such as myself who’s a highly-sensitive, introspective person by nature. Add a couple of irresistible Corgis to the mix and you have a recipe for social disaster!
Aren’t Introverts Just Antisocial?
Being antisocial is not the same thing as being introverted. An introvert is someone who thrives on introspection. They may still enjoy the company of others, but they tend to enjoy being on their own even more.
However, someone who’s antisocial may be:
- Rude
- Ill-mannered
- Antagonistic
- Manipulative
- Harsh
- Indifferent
As you can see, there’s a big difference between the peace of introversion and the callousness of being antisocial. Please think twice before using these terms interchangeably!
Aren’t Introverts Too Sensitive?
Being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean you’re overly sensitive. I use the term “overly” cautiously here because there is such a thing as being highly sensitive, which I’ll explain below. However, being overly sensitive being easily offendable. If you’re easily offended or tend to get angry at the drop of a hat, check out our tips for how to let go of anger. Both introverts and extroverts alike may be easily offended.
To better explain sensitivity as it relates to personality, I’ll share a personal example. In 2017, I began experiencing a flare-up of what was later diagnosed as a severe depressive episode. It was a frightening season for me because I experienced some very unusual symptoms including extreme fatigue, numbness and tingling, and dizziness. I noticed that my symptoms were exacerbated by social interactions, and so I withdrew from my friends and family, canceled as many work calls and meetings as I could, and limited my outings to the bare essentials.
Unfortunately, this type of isolating behavior can worsen depression. As much as I wanted to stay in the fetal position for the rest of my life, knew that if I wanted to get better, I needed to push through the discomfort and make positive changes.
Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
During this time, one of the resources that really helped me come to terms with my natural disposition was a documentary called Sensitive: The Untold Story. By that point, I was practically bedridden with depression, so finding out that there are other sensitive souls out there in the world was extremely comforting and empowering.
The documentary is based on the findings of best-selling author and psychologist, Dr. Elaine Aron, who wrote the book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. I’ll admit that at the time, I was too exhausted to read anything for more than a minute, but the film was a total game-changer for me. It really opened up my eyes to the power of being highly sensitive. I realized that I had so much hidden potential!
You can learn more about my experiences as a highly sensitive person in my Authority Magazine article, How to Survive and Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person.
Conclusion
Whether you think you may be an introvert or a highly sensitive person (HSP), it’s worth exploring your personality type and temperament so you can better understand yourself and your relationship with others. Listen to your needs and take care of yourself, but also, don’t be afraid to take risks. Continue to stretch your comfort zone while taking aligned action towards your life purpose.
For more personal growth and spiritual development tips, subscribe to the Chronically Conscious podcast.
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